Of course, I know what the problem is.
There is a lot that I’m worried about at work. I’m not sleeping well. I’m not eating properly so my stomach hurts and I become lethargic. I’m not moving about as much as I usually do, so my stomach hurts and I become even more lethargic. Housework gets neglected as life continues to sap every ounce of energy within me.
Then…everyone is cleverer, prettier, thinner, fitter, wittier, more successful, (less superficial, I hear you think) than I could ever be.
My smile wavers, I feel cold and I sit and watch my ankles swell. The spiral heads downwards, encompassing an oppressive, bleakness that only I can drag myself away from…when I’m ready.
I’m convinced that it is OK for us to embrace the whole rainbow of our emotions and use them to improve, inform and restore us back to health.
I’m never going to be happy all the time but buried under my duvet with no one to see, I can clasp the despair for a few minutes, experiencing its negativity, before allowing it to flow through me and then out the other side.
My wellbeing is not served by my pretending that I don’t occasionally feel fear, grief, worry or self-doubt and I’m not helping myself if the effort involved in constantly projecting a smiling face outweighs the benefit.
Only by allowing the emotions in, being gentle with myself and taking time for me, can I then work my way through them, enabling the transition back into me, the positive person with the catchy mantras and ‘solution-oriented-problem-solving’ skills that serve me so well 99.9 days out of 100.
Is it OK to write a blog when you’re feeling down? I think so. Yes.